Who Gets to Complain, Why, and Who Is Heard?

Complaining is something that only those with privilege are really afforded. Did you know that? It’s true. So, who is heard?

Complaining is something that only those with privilege are really afforded.

Did you know that? It’s true.

And to highlight this, I’m going to share two examples from the past few weeks.

But first, a definition.

Privilege doesn’t mean you are lucky or that you have had an easy life. It’s “a set of unearned benefits given to people who fit into a specific social group.”

Example #1:

Apparently, Donald recently Trump tweeted that “no other president in history has been treated worse, or more unfairly.”

I’ll give you a moment.

In light of the scrutiny Barack Obama received (um, from Donald Trump, among others) I’m not going to spend time debating the validity of this comment. What I want to do, however, is examine the fact that the comment was even made.  Publicly. On Twitter!

What does this have to do with privilege?

First, privilege gives a platform for the sharing of the complaint. Secondly, privilege gives validity to the complaint, simply because of who is complaining.

Donald has White privilege and male privilege (among others types). Let’s imagine for a moment if – oh, I don’t know… – Barack Obama had said this, as a Black male President.  Or if Hilary Clinton had said this about her treatment during the presidential race.

It simply wouldn’t have happened.  Not from their mouths in a public forum.

Why? Because people from marginalized groups, who regularly deal with discrimination, mistreatment, and unfair treatment are (sadly) used to: not being heard and not being taken seriously.

Plus, there are often negative ramifications to making complaints or even just pointing out discrimination or inequity – notably, being told we are complaining, or taking things “too personally”, and backlash that can be worse than the behaviour or words that were complained about. Backlash as in “how dare you say ….”. That backlash makes it clear who is valued and who isn’t (or who is valued less) in our society. Because in a world where everyone is seen as valuable, any mistreatment would be taken seriously. To be frank: the backlash (and the frequent lack of consequences for the backlash) further reminds us of our “place” on a lower rung of the ladder in a society that is sexist, racist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, Islmophobic, etc.

Not being taken seriously, not being believed, or the backlash from speaking up to defend oneself is a reality that those with privilege don’t have to endure, and often can’t imagine as a result. Privilege means that our complaints are (more likely) to be taken seriously, and that we are (more likely to be) heard, seen, believed, validated, and protected.

What firestorm would have happened if Barack Obama or Hilary Clinton had written a similar tweet? Those in the dominant group (in both cases: White male) would have been all over both of them. For speaking the truth!

But Donald Trump can easily tweet his complaint. And…. Nada.

Example #2:

I came across this article about a woman who was promoted, and her male colleague’s reaction – which in a word, is vile.

He is incensed because his privilege (male and White in this case) didn’t work for him – like it often does, and therefore like those with privilege can become accustomed to it working.

This is an example of the backlash I mentioned above. And the fact that he believes it is ok to say these things to her.

What happened, in this case, is a series of text messages where he is basically telling his female colleague that she didn’t deserve the promotion over him. His privilege is clearly showing in his comments, and in his casual use of statements like “Don’t be offended” (because privilege protects us from recognizing and examining our offensive and hurtful comments) and “I’m not sexist” (because privilege prevents us from seeing our behaviour for what it is – we simply believe it’s ‘the way it is’ rather than possibly discriminatory).

The beauty of this second example is the woman’s response. She points out his privilege and uses some of his arguments in her favour. Brilliant.

She has also reported him to HR.

But here’s the thing – he believes what he wrote, and believes that it was ok to send these texts/make these comments in the first place.  Likely because of how overt his sexism is, and the fact that it is in writing, HR will agree that it’s problematic, and there may be consequences for his behaviour.  But there are many situations like this in the workplace every day that are subtle, behind closed doors, and go unnoticed – but that are just as hurtful, just as insidious and just as undermining of people’s skill, talents, and abilities, just because of who they are.  And in these cases, lack of privilege means there is often no listening ear,  no uptake of the complaint and/or no real consequences. It happens every day.  Because privilege gives us a certain immunity, and a “free pass” to treat others badly.

Who Is Heard?

So…what can you do about it?

Pay attention to what’s happening around you.

And use your privilege to point it out, speak up, stand up, and support those whose voices are not heard because of who they are; be an ally. (More on allyship coming up in June!)

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